For my reference. Like you'll ever read this, Ryutaro.
You really are my favorite. I don't even call myself a Hey!Say!Jump fan but a Morimoto Ryutaro fan. I could care less about the others if you were present.
You always striked me as a mature, cool type of kid. Because you're the oldest of your siblings you have a different viewpoint than the other members. Being in Jump is your chance to be the younger sibling for once. With the lovingness of older brothers also comes with teasing and bickering.
I remember you said once "Takaki-kun would yell at me 'do it properly' and I felt bad. I kept telling my mom I wanted to quit Jump" My first thought, "Takaki stop being a freaking dickface." Second thought, be better than them Ryutaro. Surpass them and make them eat their own words.
It's plainly obvious that you hate to lose, you never back down too. Even in your eyes, you never break contact, Jump members, Tanaka Koki, Nakai even. You always stare people right in the eye and not give the impression of being intimidated. That was my most favorite thing about you.
I personally do
see you in a different light now. You always had that innocent image. Very straight forward but not cutesy fake. I knew all idols were doing "bad" things behind cameras. I knew that but I don't want it to be mentioned. Maybe this is one of those things where "Ignorance is bliss" I only view you as an Idol. I only see you when you are doing your job. I don't want to know percise details of your private life. I don't want to know what you do in your private time because that is going beyond being a fan. I don't want to find out anything that might make me dislike you. I am a fan of the Idol Morimoto Ryutaro. Not a fan of the high schooler Morimoto Ryutaro. I don't want to see your other side. Am I forcing myself to live in this delusion? Maybe. But I enjoy being a fan and that satisfies me the perfect amount.
We all have different faces we put on to show the world. How we act to our family, to our co-workers, to our friends, to our teachers, to the public, are all different. There are certain faces I show to one person that I won't dare to show to another. I don't want to call it being fake or two faced. Genuine feelings are still there, but we always adapt and establish certain feelings that motivate our personality to best accommodate the given situation.
The tabloid picture is obviously taken privately. You aren't stupid for smoking. It's your choice. But you are stupid for posing for the picture. You are stupid for getting caught and ruining your idol image, your career. You probably trusted that person who kept the picture. Maybe that's your nature. I want to blame you for posing like that and blame that person for betraying you.
You are stupid. You really are. But you're a teenager so it comes with the package of puberty and it is somewhat justifiable. Teenagers make idiotic mistakes. They don't think. They act irrationally. They think they have seen it all. They think more than 13 years of living, they are mature enough to make their own decisions. I'm not a special snowflake. I am just as stupid as every other teenager. This is the darkest hours of our lives. We are discovering what type of person we want to become. We get judged if we're different, not talented enough, not smart enough. We make these stupid decisions in the illusion that they are right or cool. We make mistakes, get in trouble, learn from it and laugh about it later. It's painful and humiliating to go through but it is absolutely and completely necessary.
There are so many ways to handle this situation. You can be angry about it. You can beat yourself up about it. You can ignore and not care. Or you can accept it as another contributing experience growing up. We won't become great adults unless we have bad experiences to make us stronger.
Things are going to change dramatically. Your relationship with Jump, your family, others within Johnny's, and your fans are going to be changed too. They might hate you, they might leave you, they might stay with you or they might become closer to you. Whatever happens, good luck. Please learn from this ordeal and be a great adult. Be a better Morimoto Ryutaro.
I will wait as a fan. I will wait for the day where you can confidently return to the stage as Hey!Say!Jump's Morimoto Ryutaro. If you leave completely, that's okay too. If that is your way of atonement, then please do your best.
But if I may have a say in this, "Good Bye" is becoming too frequent to say. I want to say "See you soon.". I don't want to thank you for all the smiles and laughs you have given. I want to thank you for the smiles and laughs that you will continue to give.
I really don't know what my point is in this messy wall of text. It's just so sudden. I heard about it last night and woke up with it as the first thought in my head. I was busy all day but I was entirely focused on this.
There has been a trail of really..impacting news with JE. Impacting might be too exaggerating of a word, but just changes that really gives a different, unfamiliar feeling. Daichi, Masashi, Fujima. I personally thought that they all had an important presence in JE. No matter what part was big or small, they were THERE and it was so familiar seeing them all the time. When they left, it feels weird and out of place. It takes alot of time to get use to and ultimately that's the only thing you can do. But I hate it either way. When I get use to a certain routine, I expect it every time because it feels..right. So when they actually leave and throws off that usual routine, it becomes a foreign feeling and makes me just plain uncomfortable. But that is me being selfish. I can voice out whatever the hell pisses me off about JE. The boys can't. They have to swallow their frustration and continue like nothing was ever wrong for the sake of "the show must go on".